Reflections at Sixty

No Regrets. I made bad decisions. A few good ones. I been high. I been low. I went from cravats to summit. Back to cravats. I embraced the bosom of my mother. And held others. I toiled in fetal before I stretched. I am broken yet healed. Grace trumps Karma.

I forgive. I been hurt. I been abused. I have lost. I have been full of sorrow. Full of shame. My life remains imperfect, but whole. I can’t demand forgiveness. Forgiveness begins within me. I must forgive those who trespassed. Forgiveness is the door to healing. To life.

I Pour Out. What others pour into me, I pour out. I held my riches but was empty. I let go and found joy. Everything. The more I die to self the more I live. 

I am Thankful. I am alive. Barely. The widow maker cast his shadow on me. Wickedness of cancer touched my loins. Grim reaper tried to drown me. Twice. I should not be alive. Each day is a gift.

I am Resilient. My family were baked in ovens. Their souls traveled though smokestacks. My parents immigrants. I been fired. I been divorced. I been kicked. Ridiculed. Scorned. It is in my weakness I found strength.

I am Masculine. I appreciate femininity. I adore the attributes of my wife, my mother, my daughters. I refuse to be made feminine. I love my fiber, my muscle, my testosterone. I am steadfast in my resolve not to become something others demand I be. I celebrate manhood.

I am Happy. I embrace Joy. Even in dark moments I see light. Even in suffering I remain hopeful.

I look Forward. My eyes are clear. I see the race in which I run. I see the prize. I curse distractions that seek to avert my focus. There are a great cloud of witnesses. I seek to please. Mold me into a faithful servant.

I am Competitor. I embrace discipline. I desire challenge. I relish feats difficult to do. I seek to finish journey’s I otherwise fear. 

I am Loved. Underserved. Unmerited. Despite myself, I am loved. I don’t understand it. I struggle to explain it. Yet I receive it. And dance.

I am Redeemed. I do things I end up hating. I wallow in the sins of my fathers. I seek strength to overcome. To conquer. To finish. To be found worthy.

I am Unfinished. The work is not complete. Create in me a clean heart. Continuously. Restore unto me the joy of my creation. I am compelled to give all glory to the one who knew me and believed in me before I believed in me.